


i see you

by irrationalqueer



Series: advent 2020 [14]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:28:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28049241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irrationalqueer/pseuds/irrationalqueer
Summary: Fiona sees more than Dani thinks she does.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: advent 2020 [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2035507
Comments: 18
Kudos: 31





	i see you

Fiona sees more than Dani thinks she does. 

She sees the way Dani shivers when Fiona’s eating her out, slow and easy; how big her eyes get, like she can’t believe it’s happening even though Fiona’s favorite place to be is obviously between Dani’s legs. She sees the way she flexes her fingers, holds as still as she can. Fiona wants to see what it would take for her to really relax into it, go loose and free the way she is in Fiona’s dreams. She doesn’t want to push, doesn’t want to ask for too much and ruin this delicate balance they’ve got, but she wants. So she fucks her slow and deep, puts her whole heart into it, like it’s the most important thing she’s ever done. If eating Dani is the only way she's allowed to show her how much she loves her, Fiona guesses maybe it is that important. 

And she sees how Dani reaches out, moves to grab Fiona’s hand or hair or whatever’s nearest and then stops herself every time, pinching at her own nipples or pulling her own hair instead. Fiona doesn’t mind the view but she does mind Dani stopping herself from touching Fiona, like it’s an indulgence she can’t have. Like Fiona’s not literally begging for it, like it’s not exactly what she wants. 

Dani’s always stopping herself from taking the things she wants, even when they’re freely offered to her. Fiona likes kissing, a lot of kissing. She likes kissing Dani specifically; long, luxurious kisses when they’re both naked but nobody’s aching yet, kisses pressed to mouths and necks and shoulders and breasts. Fiona initiates the kissing every time, and every time Dani responds like she’ll die without it, like if they stop she’ll stop breathing. So sometimes Fiona will reach up and knock Dani’s hands away from herself, lacing their fingers together. It feels so much more intimate than it has any right to, when Fiona’s face is covered in Dani’s wetness. They’ll hold hands, and Dani will let go of a little bit of that control, letting Fiona fuck her with her tongue, crying and panting until she comes hard and long. And Dani doesn’t let go; she holds on tight and squeezes and sighs gratefully, like she’s so relieved that Fiona chose that intimacy so Dani didn’t have to. 

Fiona sees how methodical Dani is at taking her apart; she gives every ounce she has to making sure Fiona feels good, and it’s so open and obvious on her face that it makes Fiona want to cry sometimes. She sees how entranced Dani is when Fiona comes, fingers and tongue stroking eagerly and thoroughly until she finds the combination that will make Fiona cry out, always a little bit stunned like she can’t quite believe Fiona is letting her do this. It sometimes feels like Fiona’s a science experiment, like Dani’s testing different things to see what gets to Fiona the most - it’s never a bad thing, though. It just makes Fiona think about how badly Dani must want to know those things about her, even if she won’t say it. Sometimes when they’re fucking, Dani looks so transported that Fiona wishes they could just stay forever in her bed. It’s impractical, but if this bed is where Dani is open to her, is willing to give parts of herself up to her and take parts of her in return, she’ll stay here as long as Dani wants. 

Lately, Dani wants to be here a lot. They’re best friends, and the sex hasn’t changed that on a surface level - they play games and have dinner and coffee and Fiona helps Dani revise and walks her through her essays. But in the middle of the night, when it’s dark and they don’t have distractions to hide behind, they end up here: frantic kissing, Fiona flat on her back, Dani on top of her with a wild, desperate look in her eyes. It’s easy for Fiona to push her own fears aside to give Dani whatever she wants, whatever she can do to help her work through this thing she’s going through. So she kisses her, warm and open, and she strips her naked and she touches her like there’s nowhere else she’d rather be. She tells her she’s good, so good, perfect, as she fucks her fingers inside of her, cataloguing every blush and shudder until she physically can’t hold back any longer and has to taste her. Fiona sees the way Dani knows, in those moments, that Fiona’s desperate for her. She likes to think that Dani finally understands it, when Fiona’s moaning against her pussy, hand in her own pants working frantically because there’s no way there’s anything hotter than the way Dani looks when she comes. Fiona sees it all. 

Fiona knows Dani thinks it came out of nowhere, but Fiona had known this was coming from day one. It was obvious in the way that after the first conversation, she couldn’t stop thinking about Dani, couldn’t stop yearning for this person she’d never even met face to face. It was obvious the first time they did meet in person, drawn to each other like magnets, like opposite sides of a coin. And when they did kiss, finally, Fiona had known it would progress into this, too. Knowing what she knows now about Dani, she’s not surprised that they haven’t labeled things, or that Dani is still so skittish about anything that might hint toward their relationship being more than friends who sleep together. 

The thing about it is that Fiona can be patient. She sees things in Dani that Dani isn’t ready to see in herself. But she also sees how brave and strong and brilliant Dani is, and she knows this fear isn’t going to hold her back forever. She knows, she knows it’ll be worth it; it’s already worth it right now. And Dani’s not even sleeping with other people anymore. She’d admitted as much during a casual conversation; they hadn’t even been talking about it, she’d just come out with it. “I’m not sleeping with anyone else,” she’d said, staring at Fiona like the words meant more than they did.

Fiona had been - surprised, to say the least. At a loss for words, mostly. “That’s good,” she’d settled on, and something like satisfaction had flickered across Dani’s face before it was chased away by her usual troubled frown. And then later, she’d kissed Fiona so slowly, fully clothed between her sheets; she’d just curled up on the other half of Fiona’s pillow and just watched her until they both fell asleep. 

They both know Fiona’s not sleeping with anyone else. It doesn’t even need to be said; it’s obvious how head over heels she is for Dani to anyone with eyes. Sometimes, when Dani’s got two fingers inside her, crooked just so, and her tongue is sliding against Fiona’s and they’re so, so close, Fiona wants to say it. Sometimes when she’s got her mouth on Dani, and she’s holding her hands and watching her fall apart, lose some of that careful control, she wants to blurt it out. 

She never does. She sees more than Dani thinks she does; she sees the fear and the self loathing and the way that Dani’s whole life is changing. She can wait.

**Author's Note:**

> title from 3 rounds and a sound by blind pilot.
> 
> another part to my “hear the hum” series. 
> 
> on tumblr @ irrationalqueer


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